I need you to know something about me, and I am hoping it brings us closer. I am kind of a dork.
ABOUT ME: THE DORK BEHIND INSPIRING WIT
It has been less than two years since we began ‘Inspiring Wit’.
In that time, I have clocked up a number of posts. The stories that you visit the most are naturally the ‘how to’ posts in which I flex some of my girl power. (That is what I am going to call it. Think of that as a product of my growing up in the 80s and 90s, being a MAJOR Buffy geek and although being a tomboy, loving that girls can kick serious butt at work and at play. Though, this post isn’t about feminism).
These are generally the posts in which I have failed at something, gotten my head around it, then sparked a fire to put into words my positive spin on how to handle various situations like a boss!
FOR EXAMPLE: LAST WEEK IN MY RANT…
A few nights ago I added something to my blog Facebook wall that I guess can be classed as a ‘rant’ or at the very least a impassioned outburst. It went like this…
“Sometimes I am asked why I write a blog. The overriding factor I feel to do any of it is to encourage people to reach for whatever they aim for. There is so much to life! We are so fortunate to be able to create a life for ourselves.
I think my quiet determination can at times be confused with a little craziness, but you have to fight for that touch of madness that spurs you on and engages you to act. To throw away your potential, to be so careless as to think that deciding to coast along through your life and not fight for it will have no impact on the world around you is heartbreaking.
The voice I have on my blog may focus on smaller topics, but my message is a positive one. I aim to encourage, inspire and enthuse my readers and community to dare to live their own lives, to make the most of opportunities, to be curious and strive to achieve whatever it is they wish for.
Anything is possible.”
Right, so why did I post that late one evening out of the blue?
OKAY, WHAT’S UP JENELLE?
This came as a reaction from my experiences with people who make an active choice to engage spending time involving themselves in taking drugs.
I spend a lot of time around young people in my other work (though this is not an observation exclusive to that environment). I watch these people grow, take chances, breakdown, break-through and sometimes, fade into shadows of the person I first met.
The drug culture is not something I have ever been a part of. I have however, let negative thoughts control my choices and give up on what I had dreamt about.
ENTER THE NEGATIVE
I have had some dark moments in my life. Some very low points which when I looked around felt unreal. I looked in the mirror and saw a sad person looking back at me.
At the time there were layers of negative things I was carrying around putting between myself and new experiences. For a time, I lost faith in my abilities, strength and integrity. I allowed my internal dialogue to dictate what I was limited to and capable of. I let that voice be right, though it was a product of my own fear.
I was so afraid.
It took a LOT, (I am talking a mother fucking truckload!!) of courage and strength to deal with fighting these fears. I knew that I could not let them run my life and masking them was not getting me anywhere. Fighting for myself was no walk in the park.
HOW I FACED THE FEAR
The first step after I meditated on, addressed and faced my fears was to create myself a timeframe to get some things I needed to get done. The decision to make that transformation, take my life back and go after what I wanted was done in a fury!
HOW THE TRANSFORMATION WENT DOWN
Later, came smaller breakdowns but so too did freedom, lightness and appreciation. I found the people around me change- I transformed the conversations I was having with people and set myself some difficult conversations to have as ‘tasks’.
It was scary.
For the things I told people and asked them, I would imagine some may have wanted to slap me across the face and walk away forever. They didn’t, but I was confronting and ignored my fear. The results from some of these conversations were pretty extraordinary.
ONE MAJOR EXAMPLE
My brother had told me he had not trusted me for years.
I hadn’t even realised.
Now I love the time I get to spend joking around with that guy. We can actually go back to mucking around like we were kids again. It took work on both our parts but it is something I am very grateful for.
HOW THE COSTS COST YOU
Sometimes the internal dialogue which disempowers you gets in the way of possibilities for real change, for a better quality of life. Keeping these possibilities alive over time can be a real challenge.
It takes practice.
If you hold onto the comfort of allowing negatives to run your life it’s great because you get to be right all the time. You get to justify your actions and keep complaining. The costs though- love, affinity, vitality, self-expression, fulfilment and time completely outweigh the feeling of being right, of justifying that disempowering voice in your head.
HOW IT WORKED FOR ME
I set myself on a path to express myself, to engage with others, to love and be loved, to create, to spark something in someone which can lead them to make a real difference. To imagine, create and inspire. (These words formed the motto I adopt for my work and this blog).
I found myself re-engaged with people I loved, made new friends, chose to surround myself with people who love that I am a complete dork with the sense of humour of a child gleefully watching Paddington or a dad cracking jokes. Sure, I still walk into things, I sing terribly to 80s hair bands and classic rock. Worse still, I misread invitations all the time (yesterday was a good example) and I make mistakes.
WHY SHARE THIS?
I share this as a declaration of what I am all about. To allow you to hold me accountable for it and to keep the conversation here authentic. It breaks my heart to observe people around me turn to negative thoughts or to becoming dependent on drugs and giving up.
While some of my blog posts may be on smaller topics like beauty products or shoes, my voice is a positive one and this is a positive space.
I want the Inspiring Wit reader to feel free to share thoughts with us. Been through something? Going through something? What is it? Where are you at? Share with us and feel safe in knowing that, we all go through it and there is no judgement. Accept where you are, or where you are not. Stuck on something? Let us know.
Let us be dorks together and help each other out.
What have you got to lose?
Thank you for reading this. xx Jenelle